I am at the moment a very confused person! In South Africa it had always been the custom to greet family and friends you haven't seen for a long time with a kiss on the mouth. I disliked it when I was a kid and the aunties smothered us with their hearty kisses while folding you in an embrace that left you disheveled and breathless.
On my visit to my kids in Belgium I was thrown time and again by the cheek kissing thing, as after working in Scotland for so many years I knew that outside of Africa you do not kiss on the mouth, but what utterly confused me, is that some people give you one kiss on the cheek, others two, and still others give you three, while still others give you the hand also. And that is where I time and again almost took somebody's teeth out, or gave them a bloody nose, as I seemed to be always kissing to the wrong side. Irma asked me once why I was kind of dancing or prancing around like a lightweight boxer before going in for the greeting, so I told her about me knocking people semi unconcious every time they try to say hi as I kept on wanting to kiss the wrong side, all the while keeping my hand at the ready in case they wanted to shake that also!
We  had a good laugh, as she told me that she was also a bitty embarrassed a few times in the beginning, until she found out that the Belgiums kiss the left cheek first. And there I was kissing to the right the whole time.
But that is not the most confusing part!
Being used to kissing friends and family on the mouth, I suddenly found myself in a strange and unfamiliar dilemma! Young people that lived in Europe or Britain for long periods, had become accustomed to the cheek kissing, or just a plain hug, and as I still get goose bumps on thinking about the aunties and their smothering, and the desperate fight for air, I was all for a simple hug and be done with it!
But now a new fad had taken post. I first saw it with Aunty Sarie and Uncle Willy, who had been living a
very lonely life on their farm, far from the modern world with all the modern tendencies, who had always kissed with gusto, but who when I saw them the other day, turned away their faces, and I again almost left myself toothless by not expecting that, and went for the mouth, my teeth making contact with their jawbones unmercifully!
The two old people had been living their life quietly, but then my cousin Christine decided to go and au-pair in Holland, leaving two very worried people behind. To make things worse, Christine decided to marry over there, and at hearing this news, the mother cried for two days non stop. When Christine had her first baby shortly after, Aunty and Uncle was sent for, and after a lot of almost nervous breakdowns, and some attempted cancelling of tickets, the two were on the plane for a visit and to see the grandchild. They stayed for three months, and came back two completely different people from the two scared beings that had to be almost carried onto the plane.
Aunty Sarie was now sporting quite a few new mannerisms that she never had,throwing in a few Dutch words here and there and uncle Willie had shed his farmer's image, and strutted around in a natty pair of corduroy pants and a golf shirt, instead of his old sensible clothes. All that was very nice to see, but the new way they had of turning away their faces when old friends or some family members wanted to greet them the customary way, left a few flabbergasted and unhappy people behind, wondering if they had bad breath, or running to the bathroom to see what was wrong with their faces, this two now not wanting to greet them. All this is quite entertaining, but I hope all South Africans take this new way of greeting to heart, as that will leave a lot less clausterphobic grown-ups, who almost got smothered by one of the aunts as a child!
The only favour I ask, is that the nation decide now, when this is still in leading strings, to make up their minds on how many kisses, and on what cheek first!